Robots Who Are Trying Their Best

Robots. In fiction, they range from homicidal to cute and they are incredibly smart machines who more often than not outwit us monkey-brained humans. But in real life? They have a lot of catching up to do.

But they’re trying just so hard.

Cereal Box Battle Bot

The Bot: “The Krave Monster” is like an angry kitten. An adorable cute little thing but also surprisingly dangerous and pointy. Just look at it masticate its enemies in its adorable, delicious maw! Aww!

Room For Improvement: In order to be considered a truly fearsome foe, it needs to find a much scarier look than bizarrely goopy cereal.

Rating: 7/10

The Heinz Automato57

The Bot: MIT’s follow-up to the seminal Catsup Crapper, the Heinz Automato57 offers automatic condiment dispensary with the talent and enthusiasum of a three-year-old. Even if you do manage to stop it before it makes your entire life resemble a sticky murder scene, all of your food ever is now an inedible mess.

Room For Improvement: Aim, for one. Control of application is certainly another. Not having terrifying chicken wing arms would also be a plus.

Rating: 2/10

The Breakfast Machine

The Bot: Don’t’cha just hate mornings? This robot is here to help! Even in your most hungover, apathetic, or lazy state, this cheerful little friend will pour you a bowl of cereal and even feed you, you clumsy ape!

Well, in theory, anyway. It tries and then drops the spoon like one would drop a mic after spitting a fire rhyme.

Room For Improvement: It’s great if you only want a shot of breakfast and not an entire bowl. So there’s that.

Rating: 1/10

Ben and Jerry’sBot

The Bot: After careful selection and entering of the keypad, and diligent work by the robot to retrieve your daily delights, BEHOLD! LID!

Room For Improvement: Unlike most of the robots on this list, it doesn’t suck enough.

Rating: 1/10

Deliverybot

The Bot: Special Delivery! This robot is trying so hard to be organized and helpful but he does about as well as trying to arrange things in a game of Skyrim.

But he isn’t just a robot made to arrange things. He FEELS things too. And those things are despair.

Room For Improvement: This robot doesn’t need so much as more work in programming as much as emotional support. I hope someone gives him lots of hugs, even when he fails.

Rating: 9/10

Can’t get enough of adorable robots who are just trying to make their way in this crazy universe? Check this out!

inter_linked The Series is the fun, sarcastic story of a girl and her android.

Follow the adventures of Anny and WISR as they try to help every robot they can, while the hardest part of the journey is putting up with each other.

Absolutely free to read:
www.interlinkedtheseries.com

5 Hilarious and Terrible Foreign Covers of Familiar Books

1. A Game of Thrones – Russia

In the dark times before HBO/Starz/Showtime/Taco Bell/KFC/NASA told us what everyone looked like, bizarre fantasy book illustrations reigned supreme and this Russian cover for A Game of Thrones from the 90s is beautifully, horribly no exception.

Who even is that in the front? Arya? Joffrey with unfortunately-shaped armor that gives him ladylike curves? Is that supposed to be The Hound? Yoren protecting Arya from the Kingsguard? And who the heck is that ponce with a hat? Is that supposed to be a direwolf beside him because it looks like a husky with a mental deficiency.

Russia, you’re so strange.

2. Eragon – Italy

Apparently, Italy missed the memo that the first book is The Blue One and that it’s the second book, Eldest is The Red One but the confusion is understandable considering the dragon on the cover is name Saphira like sapphire like blue rock.

I’d also just like to point out that in the International Covers Gallery on his website, Christopher Paolini has pictures of his leather-bound copies of the series that look like they belong on your grandma’s bookshelf next to the 1984 edition of Encyclopedia Britannica.

3. The Hobbit – Sweden

Tove-Jansson-The-Hobbit

Being such an older and ubiquitous book, there were lots of weird foreign editions to choose from but this one is just beautifully bizarre.

I like to call this “Ten Year Old Bilbo Takes a Power Nap” because, I mean, just look at it. Between the nightcap and the youthful, cartoony face beneath it there’s just a lot here that makes no sense, up to and including the battle axe. Sting? More like Smash! Maybe they confused him with Tyrion for a hot minute.

Image result for tyrion axe"
This action figure deserves its own article.

4. The Catcher In The Rye – Arabic

The Catcher in the Rye cover Arabic by دار المدى للطباعة والنشر والتوزيع

The original cover of The Catcher In The Rye is already kinda out there with its terrifying carousel Pale Horse Of Death thing going on (I still have nightmares of the giant poster in my freshman year English classroom), this one is. Um. It’s there.

Some other covers play up the hat or just go full abstract, but this one… this one looks like the kind of project I’d make in the third grade when we had to design new covers to go with our book reports. It certainly gives Holden Caulfield a reason to be so depressed and obnoxious. Just look at that hairline, you’d be whiny too!

5. Harry Potter – Korea/Japan

Image result for harry potter korean"
source

No, it’s not technically a cover, but it’s too amusing not to share.

I recently discovered in my adventures in NYC’s Koreatown that Harry Potter is actually split up into smaller, easier-to-carry novella-sized volumes since small books are much more popular there.

While it must be nicer to carry than the massive tree-chunks that were the later books, that means that the entire series is broken up into 23 volumes.

In Japan, there are only 19 books, much more convenient!

Image result for harry potter korean"

Special Mentions go to:

Harry Potter and the Cooky Art Teacher Vibes

(Germany)

Harry Potter and the Alarming Reminder That He’s WAY Too Young To Be Putting His Life In Danger Like This
(He Should Be Worrying More About Pokemon Cards Or Something)

(Spain)

Harry Potter and I Have No Idea What Is Happening Here

(Italy)

Harry Potter and Have They Ever Seen A Train Before, That Might Be the Ocarina Of Time?

(Sweden)

Harry Potter and The Only Things Still Clean on Laundry Day

(Denmark)

Harry Potter and IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE UMBRIDGE THEY DID NOT NEED TO MAKE HER WORSE and Also Why Are There Two Harry’s and Hermione Is Now Part House Elf Now, Cool and Everyone Is Wearing Ravenclaw Colors There’s So Much Wrong With This Help

(For f&@(‘s sake, Finland!)

And Finally:

Harry Potter and I’d Like To Point Out That Snake Has a Face

(Ukraine)


If you love my writing with all its snarky sarcasm and hilarious commentary (if I might toot my own horn for a moment) you’d love inter_linked the Series, a serialized novel about friendship, sarcasm, and robots.

Anny messed up. Big time. Now she’s stuck with WISR, the most bitter and sarcastic android every programmed. Now they travel the stars, trying to save every robot they can – if they don’t kill each other first!

It’s free to read on www.interlinkedtheseries.com with updates every Monday and Friday.
Patrons read a day early!

Read More:

Read It and Weep Re-Read
4 Books That Are Just Un-Film-Able (and How to Pull It Off Anyway)
I Read a Bunch of Star Wars Novelizations So You Don’t Have to (Part 1)
I Read a Bunch of Star Wars Novelizations So You Don’t Have to (Part 2, Rogue One)
Steven Universe: The Movie: The Review