It’s happening folks. We’re seeing the first lights of the dawning of the final season of Game of Thrones.
It should come as no shock to you folks that I’m a massive fan, I own a House Baratheon keychain (Stags Represent!), I’ve watched it all half a dozen times minimum, and in college I wrote a paper on the series (Got a B-, thankyouverymuch).
While this deviates a bit from my usual writing schtick, this beautifully crafted show deserves a spotlight, especially considering it’s one of the best-written shows in our generation.
Spoilers abound below!
1. Everyone Dies
I know, this is cynical as all get out, but listen: George R. R. Martin, orchestrator of two murderous weddings and the death of everyone you know and love besides maybe Tyrion, is a mad, mad man. David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, the head showrunners? Insane people who will stop at nothing to top the GRRM’s penchant for violent tragedy and shocking twists.
And what would be the ultimate twist to end them all?
EVERYONE DIES THE END.
The heroes don’t come out on top. Slowly, the White Walkers overtake Castle Black. Winterfell. All the characters we’ve lost over the years rise from their graves and shamble on to King’s Landing.
But hey, Sean Bean would technically still be alive. So I’m happy for him.
2. The Hound (and Gendry!) Find Arya Again
As I’m writing this, I’ve just wrapped up watching Season 4, where Arya and the Hound have their wacky cross-country road trip in search of finding a place to belong. It’s the cutest story between a snarky kidnapper and his sassy charge in fiction, probably.
Then there’s also Gendry. I’m not sure if I want them to end up together and have many adorable babies or if they’re destined to be the best of besties, but either way, they need to find each other and it’s not like he’s too far away these days.
Arya in Season 7 is busy having her stonefaced psychopath moment, which I always found sort of a shocking swerve into a ‘what the h*ck’ territory, considering she was having goofy fun about five minutes ago. Her best friends popping back up to snap her out of this bizarre land of acting choices is pretty much exactly what she needs.
3. Tyrion Sits As King
I know, I know. There’s the whole weird ‘snow on the throne’ bit that alludes to Jon being the rightful ruler, and being half-Targaryen gives him probably the best claim out of anyone, and as much as I’d like to see a crown on that pretty, broody brow of his, Tyrion so deserves it and would be a much better ruler.
Jon has already proven to be a bit of a failure in the leadership department. I mean, you don’t exactly get the Julius Caesar treatment for nothing.
Daenarys veers wildly in and out of the “Mad King” territory, and Cersei has no more marbles left to lose.
You know who hasn’t gone off the deep end yet? (At least when it comes to ruling?) The Halfman himself, Tyrion Lannister. And he’d have the most BAMFin stepstool up to that throne, guaranteed.
4. Something Really Crazy Happens to Bran
Anyone remember that dumb, dumb movie Lucy, where Scarlett Johansen takes a drug to “use 100% of her brain!” and then ascends into a higher plane of existence?
Like that, but with magic and dragons and stuff.
Bran becomes the Old Gods, the New Gods, and also everyone ever. It’ll be like the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey with fewer monkeys. Or an LSD trip, but cheaper.